The Art of Connection:
How to Thrive at Work and Beyond as an Introvert

Hi everyone, I'm really excited to be here actually. And if I fall over, it's just because of my shaky legs. So don't worry, don't rush, I will save myself. So let's start and see what I'm going to talk about to thrive at work as an introvert, because I'm an introvert as well. So yeah, whatever I'm going to tell you today is just my story, my journey, so I hope that it will help you as well. But before starting, I would like to share a real story with you, about the time that I was a teenager. So whenever we wanted to go for a picnic, I remember that my mother used to choose the most crowded place. Just so many people around and children just making noise all the time. And then people, and then my mother used to say that, my God, I'm so energizing all the people around. When I'm here, I feel alive. And as well as my mother, as well as my father and my sister, they were all happy together. And at the same time, I was sitting there so drained, sad, tired, and waiting for that moment that I can return home, be with my own self, and just leave me alone. And then I had this conversation with my mother that she told me all the time, my God, why are you so weird? Why can't you enjoy coming with us? And I was a teenager, definitely I didn't have that much of a choice to tell them that, no, I'm not coming with you to the picnic or those crowded places. I just followed them. And I wasn't happy about it because they were fine and I wasn't like that. Everybody was happy, alive, and then I was a sad person among all those people. So I had this question all the time as a teenager that, yeah, definitely, there's something wrong with me because I'm not feeling okay. And it was up to this point that I got familiar with the concept of introvert. So the context of introvert and extrovert was first introduced by Carl Jung, a psychologist who you might be all familiar with. And he simply mentioned that being an extrovert and introvert, it's about where we get our energy from. So when I said that where we get our energy from is that extrovert people enjoy their time and they get energized by being around other people. And on the other hand, there are introvert people like me that they don't get energized, they would like to be with their own. It's not that I don't like to be around people, it's just a matter of how much time I can spend around people and not getting drained. So it was fine, I got familiar with the concept. I said, okay, yeah, that's the whole difference for me. And right now I have something to tell to my mother, that why am I like this? But things didn't stop because I started my career and at some point, I'm a UX designer so I needed to talk to product team, I needed to talk to engineers, I needed to talk to business leaders, everybody around me. And then it started to feel like a big disadvantage for me. So it wasn't my mother anymore scolding me or telling me that, yeah, you're so weird, why are you like this? It was mostly the meetings, the new working places, the events that I joined. So during the meetings, whenever I wanted to tell something, I had this fear of judgment all the time that, oh my God, if I say this, they might think that I'm crazy or what if this question is so stupid to ask? And then when I entered a new company, it was a new working place, and I had this one-on-one sessions that I needed to have with different people. It was so difficult that awkward silence at the beginning of the meeting that, oh God, what am I going to say? How am I going to handle it? And I didn't want to have those one-on-ones, and I was skipping them. And during the events, it was, I think, the worst of all, because I didn't know anybody there. So whenever I joined an event that was full of people, and I couldn't talk to anybody, I used just to choose a very quiet corner to go there. And then maybe the best possible situation was just listening. And then I started maybe leaving these events and not joining them. So this was the moment in my career that I became my own harshest critic. I started criticizing myself all the time, asking myself different questions. And oh my God, yeah, you are not like others. You can't do the job. And if you continue this way, you are not going to be successful anymore. And all these questions just was eating me alive, because I didn't have any answer. And I wasn't like the others who were just communicating. They're fine in the working places. And yeah, what's wrong with me? What is it? What is it there that is eating me alive? And then I started asking this question that, OK, whether it's a challenge or it's just an issue, because there are different aspects to look at it, whether it's an issue, a problem, or is it just the challenge to face. And then that is why I'm here today, to share my journey with you, because at some point of time, I started asking myself that, how can I work with who I am instead of just telling that, oh yeah, is it a challenge? Is it an issue? What's wrong with me? And the reason that I came upon this process of how to work with myself was another part of the definition that Carl Jung gave for extrovert and introvert. And this definition is mostly about this introvert and extrovert has nothing to do with our social skills, confidence, and personality flaws, which is really important, because it tells me that although I might not be able to change myself to art being an extrovert, I can work on my skills. I can work on stuff that makes me more confident. I can work on the social skills and be here, or in the company, I can be more confident to talk and interact with different people. But before jumping to the solutions that I'm going to share with you that work for me, I would like to give you a bit of a context about why do we feel so drained when meeting new people or being in new places, because I think that getting in context will help a lot. It's kind of a part of the solution from my point of view. So we are all familiar with the comfort zone. So this is the zone that we feel really comfortable. We know it as safe zone as well. We are really fine, because it's like being with our friends, close friends, with our family. And then if some people see us when we are with our close friends, they might even tell us that you are not an introvert. You're extrovert, definitely, because you're fine. But the thing is, we are in our comfort zone. So we are fine with talking to the people who are near to us, and we are fine with that. And then we have this panic zone. So this is the part that definitely we all panic, because we get anxious, we get overwhelmed, like all those new situations, all those events that I used to join. It was just-- yeah, the word is obvious. I just panicked. And then we are not comfortable anymore. We don't feel like ourselves. And most of the time, what happens is we jump straight from our comfort zone to the panic zone. So if I want to give you an example, imagine that I'm fine with my colleagues, a bit of a smiling eye contact, introducing myself. And one day, there is an event. People are coming from different companies. And it's really important for me to expand my network, my communication. And then I decide, OK, yes, today I'm going to talk to everybody.